What matters most?

All relationships are put to the fire. There is no such thing as a constantly happy couple. There is no such thing as a constantly happy relationship. All of us, at one point in our affairs will have to face a cleansing process which, hopefully, will make better persons out of us.

Let us always remember that our relationships are put to the test to make stronger and better persons out of us. Second to love, the next most important ingredient of a successful relationship is communication. Many would agree that there are certain things in a relationship that are better kept unsaid. But I don't believe in that. The moment we lie about our feelings or the wrong that we have done, we begin to build a wall of bricks around ourselves. Every time we hide something out of fear, we add a brick to that wall.

Soon we will be total strangers to the very people we vowed to be with the rest of our lives. We will start to hurt inside until we can no longer bear the pain. Until we regretfully give up the very relationships that we wanted to keep.

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. If we cannot bravely express our innermost fears, doubts, and insecurities to the people we love then our ties are doomed to fail sooner or later. I would rather be hurt by a person who is honest than be hurt in by someone who betrayed my trust. Many couples suffer in silence because they are afraid that opening up would just make things worst. They keep their feelings to themselves until their affection towards each other diminishes to the point where separation becomes inevitable.

Remember, there is no burden so heavy that it cannot be lightened by an open, honest and peaceful exchange of thoughts and feelings. Fights are inevitable.

Oftentimes, we hurt those we love because we insist on protecting our own feelings. Selfishness is a poison that recklessly kills relationships. It is only when we set aside our pride, arrogance and anger that we are able to deal with raging emotions sensibly and peacefully. There would be a lot of times when we would be tempted to think only of the things that would make us happy. The joy we get from satisfying only our own want is happiness that we deprive others of. Our joy becomes our partner’s pain and our rise becomes their fall.

Some relationships survived difficult trials. By listening to what each of them were trying to say they gained another all important ingredient, understanding. They became aware of what was going on within the heart of their partner because they talked about their feelings. Perhaps selfishness my have been responsible for a fair amount of pain and hurt. But the pain felt was washed away by the fact that love, among all the feelings that they shared, still remained the strongest pillar with which they have built their relationship on.

Indeed, beautiful things will always be built of the foundations of pain. We are strengthened by adversity and seasoned by trials in our relationships. It is not how much pain we feel that matters. What matters is that we are able find a space in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us. It is not how hard we have stumbled that matters. What matters is that we muster enough courage to stand on our feet and try again. It doesn't matter if we have found love and lost it. What matters more is the joy that feeling brought us. What matters most is that we loved at all.